ScallionLove

It started out as a typical Wednesday: work, flinging rubber bands at Ann, looking for apartments, Power Dance class... Also, I was scheduled to go to 'A Chorus Line' on Broadway with my friend and colleague, Holden. We thought Mario Lopez was still headlining, but apparently he only played the Zack character briefly before moving on. Anyway, I needed to get cleaned up for AC Slater (or so I though), so I grabbed a quick shower in the locker room. I freaked when i stepped out and looked at the clock.....7:40. We only had four blocks to go, but i still wanted to pretty up a little. So, I quickly dressed and brushed my hair.

As I was dressing I noticed this strange woman...well, woman NOW. She was a trannie, definitely. Not that that was the strange part. She just seemed to be acting weird. Not changing, just kind of hanging around. I forgot all about her, however, when I noticed the clock again. 7:46. SHIT! So I shoved my stuff in my locker and ran over to the mirror/hair dryer counter (NOT far from my locker, mind you.) to dry my bangs and throw on some under eye concealer. Approximately 75 seconds later, I returned to my locker to find the trannie pulling my wallet out of my purse! I said, "HEY, that's my wallet!" ran over, and grabbed it back from her. Caught off guard (and really effing out of it...meth, i think), she said "oh, sorry...yeah, i was just looking for my bag" and pretended to look around for her alleged bag. Then she tried to take someone else's bag from a bench! I believe the woman who's bag it was had gone to the bathroom. Luckily, there was a NYSC trainer standing there who saw the whole thing. She said "i'm going to need you to provide ID out of that bag or something that shows me it's yours." And the trannie said "I don't have ID" then fumbled around with the zipper and pulled out some Pol-i-dent and said "oh but i have this and, see, i have dentures."

I gazed at her dentures in disbelief. Not disbelief that they were dentures...they looked like dentures...bad dentures...but disbelief at what had just happened. Still in shock, I fumbled through my wallet, making sure she hadn't taken any credit cards, located my cell phone and iPod and figured there wasn't anything else of value in there to be concerned about. Then I headed downstairs to meet my friend, Holden. He was waiting by the front desk somewhat impatiently. I told him what had happened and proceeded to relay the story to the girl at the front desk (who was on the phone...they're ALWAYS on the phone...which is probably how the woman got in there to begin with.)

Then, I saw the woman coming down the stairs toward the exit with the trainer hot on her heels. She was carrying the backpack she'd swiped from the locker room, the trainer not wanting to let her take it. Another trainer who was standing by said "maam, i need to see your membership card." This is when the woman got hostile. She started yelling "I don't have it!" and pushing to get out the door. A big, burly "membership consultant" (sales guy) was standing there. He followed her out and retrieved the bag. He tried to restrain her till the cops arrived, but she started hitting him, so he let her go.

By this point it was 7:50 and Holden was practically yanking me out the door. The trainer saw everything happen, so I left my information for the cops in case they wanted to call me and headed out....hey, I had a SHOW to go to! I was really shaken the whole walk over to the theater. Holden did his best to make light of it, spewing off lots of one-liner gems like "trannie, get your gun." I laughed but didn't really calm down till much later.

Actually, I still find it upsetting. The image of her holding my wallet and digging in my purse is emblazoned on my brain. I felt so violated. I realize this could have been a lot worse. She could have taken something or even become violent with me. But still, the experience left me shaken. Oh well...all I can do is remember to always put my lock on my locker, even if i'm stepping away for a second. Oh, and appreciate the fact that I am now ballsy enough to snatch my shit back from a 6'3" meth-addicted trannie!

...and of course appreciate the strangeness of the story. I mean, you can't make that shit up.